NUGGETS OF MARRIAGE
The Vocation Promoters, Global Lay Apostolate for Priestly Vocations (G.L.A.P.) is set up to promote prayers for priests and vocations to Catholic ministerial priesthood, and encourage vocations to Catholic ministerial priesthood. In addition, we include a few guidelines in promoting vocations to married life.
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Vocation Promoters, Marian Marriage Circle (M.M.C.)
Marian Marriage Circle is a gathering of young Catholic singles who are eager to learn and develop their love and relationship skills. It is open to all Catholics of any nationality from the age of 21, or a working class person beginning from the age of 18. It aims to create a Christian culture that encourages relationships that lead to marriage and happy family life. Mary was present at the wedding feast at Cana, where through her intercession, Jesus changed water into wine.
A very warm welcome to Marian Marriage Circle. Kindly join our webinar through Zoom.
TOPIC - QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION ON LOVE, RELATIONSHIP AND MARRIAGE
Sunday 1st March, 2026 @ 7:15pm
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3RD FRIDAY CENACLE PRAYERS FOR VOCATIONS
Same Zoom Link for all Webinars and 3rd Friday Cenacle Prayers
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Ave Maria!
Come let us place our relationships at the feet of Mary!
Marriage Nugget 1
Openness to Christian Marriage
“The word of God in Genesis spells it out that God created Adam and Eve. ‘Male and female’ he created them (cf. Gen.2:24)…
The marriage we discuss here is the traditional marriage which was instituted by God. The many trends of thought and psychological interpretations of sexual orientations have challenging effects on traditional definition and understanding of marriage. By implication, marriage is understood to be exclusively ordained for those who believe in a marriage of a man and a woman. ‘Same-sex marriage’ is outside the confines of this reflection. The marriage of a man and woman refers also to the openness and readiness to procreate and raise children. Any marriage of man and woman that excludes openness to procreation is not within the dimension of this discussion. Marriage should be open to procreation. As Pope Paul VI puts it in Humanae Vitae; “The Church, nevertheless, in urging men to the observance of the precepts of the natural law, which it interprets by its constant doctrine, teaches that each and every marital act must of necessity retain its intrinsic relationship to the procreation of human life” (Paul VI , Humanae Vitae, no. 11). This does not mean in any way that marriages without children are invalid. It means that in openness couples exchange conjugal love without the use of contraception or sterilization and are ready to accept children if they come. If children do not come, they still appreciate their conjugal family and love. This implies that a true marriage of man and woman does not permit the separation of the unitive aspect of sexual relations from the procreative purpose. Pope Paul VI maintains; “The reason is that the fundamental nature of the marriage act, while uniting husband and wife in the closest intimacy, also renders them capable of generating new life - and this as a result of laws written into the actual nature of man and of woman. And if each of these essential qualities, the unitive and the procreative, is preserved, the use of marriage fully retains its sense of true mutual love and its ordination to the supreme responsibility of parenthood to which man is called. We believe that our contemporaries are particularly capable of seeing that this teaching is in harmony with human reason” (Paul VI, Humanae Vitae, no. 12). When the unitive aspect of sexual relation is separated from its procreative aspect; an aspect of the person is split from the sexual relations. Marriage as ordained by God does not remain at this biological level but culminates in the giving of the whole self and hearts to each other. Marriage is a union of one man and one woman in openness to procreation, raising and educating children. The raising of children is not an option in marriage. It actually constitutes an important aspect of the marriage covenant.
“The fundamental logic of marriage is: 1+1=1. This calculation and its solution is correct in marriage but could be considered false in the scientific and empirical world of discrete objects. The veracity of this theological calculation is based on the Scripture; “Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two will become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). It implies that marriage is not based on scientific calculation but on divine revelation as in the Bible.”
Marriage Nugget 2
Incarnation as a Foundation of Relationship in Marriage
Incarnation simply explains the mystery of God taking human flesh and becoming man in Jesus Christ. God is love and he relates in love. Incarnation could be seen as the ‘marriage of God and humanity ’(Fulton Sheen, The World’s First Love: Mary Mother of God, Ignatius Press, United States, reprint 2011, p. 34). As such, Jesus is truly God and truly man. In marriage, man and woman are united by divine grace into one flesh; truly man and truly woman but ‘one flesh.’ So in the Incarnation, Jesus is truly man and truly God; two natures in one person.
“There is a connection between the ‘marriage of God and humanity’ in Jesus Christ and the marriage of man and woman. Both could be seen as marriages at different degrees and are between two entities: in the case of Incarnation, two natures and in the case of marriage of man and woman, of two persons….
The fundamental logic of marriage is: 1+1=1. This calculation and its solution is correct in marriage but could be considered false in the scientific and empirical world of discrete objects. The veracity of this theological calculation is based on the Scripture; “Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two will become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). It implies that marriage is not based on scientific calculation but on divine revelation as in the Bible.
The fact remains, marriage is not based on rational foundation and living out the commitments of marriage based on purely rational principles may never be successful. Marriage is based on a foundation that is trans-rational. This foundation is not irrational; it is also not rational only but above rationality. Simply put, it is rational and then goes beyond rationality of course. Christianity is not just a rational religion; it is a trans-rational religion. This brings to reality the fact that what God has in mind about marriage should be the guiding principles. Only God knows how to live a life based on theological trans-rational principles as evidenced in the Trinitarian love and life. It is God’s presence in marriage calculation that makes 1+1=1 a perfect answer. If God is ignored in the marriage calculation 1+1 will be equal to 2 and that equates to separation, divorce or no union at all. Marriage has no basis without God and its foundational calculation is faulty if God disappears from the centre stage. This actually makes marriage a triangular covenant of one man, one woman and God. It is the divine presence that makes this calculation a dimension where 1+1=1 is true. If marriage calculations are left on our world of discrete objects, 1+1 in marriage can never be equal to 1. Marriage exists on a level that is trans-rational. In order for a marriage to prosper, it must remain on the level of the divine.
“…spiritual maturity is essential in a Christ-centered marriage. This involves a shared commitment to moral values and an understanding of how to cope with difficult situations in a manner that aligns with their faith in Christ Jesus. Couples should be wary of seeking guidance from unreliable sources and instead find contentment and strength in their shared spiritual journey with Christ Jesus. By grounding their relationship in these aspects of maturity, couples can build a strong, God-centered foundation that supports a lifelong, happy and harmonious relationship and marital bond.”
Marriage Nugget 3
Maturity in Relationships
In discerning relationships and marriage in Christ, it is essential to consider a holistic maturity that encompasses emotional, financial, intellectual, and social dimensions. Marriage is a sacred covenant, and it is crucial that both individuals possess a level of maturity that enables them to fully commit to this lifelong partnership. This maturity goes beyond chronological age and involves a deep understanding and readiness for the responsibilities of marriage, as outlined in Canon Law. Canon Law emphasizes that both parties must be capable of giving free and informed consent, which requires not only being of a certain age but also having the psychological and emotional maturity to understand the significance of the commitment (see Canons 1096 and 1098).
Financial maturity includes the ability to manage finances responsibly, a clear understanding of money's role in life, and mutual consultation on important matters. During courtship, couples should assess their compatibility not only through shared values and principles, especially around money and lifestyle choices, but also through their willingness to share their lives openly and honestly. Social maturity is vital; individuals should have the social skills to form healthy bonds with others and not be overly possessive or distrustful, as these traits can hinder the blessings that come through community and relationships.
Emotional maturity involves a balanced approach to the passions of love and the practical aspects of a partnership. It is important for both men and women to respect each other’s natural needs while upholding Christain moral and spiritual values. Intellectual maturity is also key; couples should be able to engage in meaningful conversations, plan together, and support each other’s personal and professional growth. They should have the wisdom to navigate life’s challenges and be emotionally resilient in the face of life changes.
Very importantly, spiritual maturity is essential in a Christ-centered marriage. This involves a shared commitment to moral values and an understanding of how to cope with difficult situations in a manner that aligns with their faith in Christ Jesus. Couples should be wary of seeking guidance from unreliable sources and instead find contentment and strength in their shared spiritual journey with Christ Jesus. By grounding their relationship in these aspects of maturity, couples can build a strong, God-centered foundation that supports a lifelong, happy and harmonious relationship and marital bond.
Marriage Nugget 4
Attainment of High “GP Point” is a Pointer to a Happy Relationship
“GP” is a short formulation for the ‘gains and pains’ of relationship and marriage. Potential couples and couples should always aim to reach a total or high degree of “GP” point. This is a stage in relationship or the formation of family culture that the couples mutually and evenly share in the “gains and pains” of life simultaneously and voluntarily.
Jesus Christ in the Incarnation, taking human flesh reached a total and perfect GP point in sharing our circumstances and redeeming humankind. Jesus was totally and perfectly human in everything “yet without sin”(Heb. 4:15). In being human, he experienced all our problems and challenges of life. He shared in our problems; he healed the sick, fed the crowd, raised the dead and preached the message of salvation. In this manner, Jesus not only shared but also turned our stumbling blocks into stepping stones.
“The highest GP point was reached by Jesus (the GP point between humanity and divinity) when he died on the cross at Calvary…
Jesus, in taking our flesh, perfectly shared in our gains and pains of life on earth. His gains were in the fact that it is through taking human flesh that he would save the world. Humanity which he created from the beginning gave him the flesh, through the mother, Mary. The truth of the total and perfect GP point in relationships is revealed by Jesus in the Gospel; “Greater love has no man than this that a man lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13). In this Jesus has set an example of the type of love that would lead true friends and couples in mutually reaching the highest degree of GP point.
In some family issues, reaching a total or high degree of GP point may not be immediately possible as a result of mixed up issues, long-term grudges and unfavorable mindset. In such instances, there may be malice, anger, separation and divorce. Couples should always remain open to peace and reconciliation no matter how long they have lived apart from each other. The couples should always pray for each other and should never allow their differences to affect their children. In instances where one of the parents is taking care of the children, he/she should not allow or make the children grow up in hatred of the other parent. The children should be helped to walk through their experience in a more positive and understanding manner. Praying for both parents and speaking well of both parents is a good method of trying to reach ones GP point in crisis moments. Trying to understand the other parent and excuse his/her mistakes, working towards peace and reconciliation in an openness of heart to the divine will, while remaining faithful to their marital vows is the right path towards reaching the GP point. Married couples should never say “never” to their partners in marriage, no matter the circumstances. Total GP point cannot be achieved in moments of separation and divorce. Openness to forgiveness, peace and reconciliation in marriages may likely lead couples to a high degree of the GP point and possibly a reunion for separated families.
“Compatibility must basically reflect that ability of the partners to freely give and freely receive love from each other. The ability to freely, mutually and continually give and receive love from each other between partners is a good test for the compatibility check. St Paul maintains in Romans 12:9 -10, “Let love be genuine; hate what is evil and hold fast to what is good, love one another with brotherly affection; outdo one another in showing honor.” Compatibility is possible where love is genuine. It is love and commitment that could make you see yourself in the other person. It is love and commitment that is not defined by worldly principles and participles. Love alone is not enough for marriage to be successful; an irrevocable commitment is crucial. This type of committed love is what should make marriage possible.”
“Love alone is not sufficient for marriage.”
“Continuous love and conscious commitment make marriage possible.”
Marriage Nugget 5
Compatibility in Relationship and Marriage
One of the greatest questions I have always been asked by young people who are preparing to begin a family is on how to discover who is the “Mr. Right” or “Miss Right”. Coming to know someone they love is totally different from knowing if they are truly compatible. Some have heard so many stories and beliefs about what the word “compatibility” means in marriage. Some believe that compatibility should be based on interests. Some use the zodiac signs to resolve compatibility puzzle in marriage. As a result of these untested and not well-founded compatibility scales, the resultant effects can only be imagined. Couples end up discovering at some point that their judgements were wrong. As a result of this uncertainty in decision-making regarding lifelong unions, such marriages end up sometimes in separation or divorce. The reason is that such marriages were not deeply rooted in the hearts of the couples and in God. Some tick their marriage compatibility checklist based only on some physical, emotional, spiritual, social, intellectual, financial, biological, nutritional, psychological, recreational qualities, amongst others. It is true that all these dimensions of the human person are important, but would that alone sustain marriage? To truly give compatibility a veritable guide that stands the test of time, there is a need to reiterate the fundamental truths regarding marriage. This basic truth is summed up in one sentence: God instituted marriage and anything that would make marriage successful must positively have reference to God.
It could be ascertained that relationship of love is basically a giving and a receiving act. Love is fundamentally relational. Relational love is essential in every human person. The capacity to love is inborn in every person. Love is a basic human desire; to love and to be loved; to show love and to receive love. For one to truly find his or her compatible husband or wife, one should be in the state of grace…
The inspiration of compatibility makes it imperative for the same person to claim from the other whatever things that belonged to him or her. It is in line with this that Paul says, “A wife does not have authority over her own body, but rather her husband, and similarly a husband does not have authority over his own body, but rather his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent for a time to be free for prayer, but then return to one another, so that Satan may not tempt you through your lack of self-control” (1Cor. 7:4-5). So, in a certain sense, love which makes people compatible disposes one to actually claim from the other what belongs to him/her. When the giving and receiving of love is not mutual and reciprocal simultaneously, it places marriage in a lopsided situation and danger. The giving and receiving of love in marriage should be mutual to a great degree. One-sided giving or receiving may give a false sense of love and compatibility. In relationships where couples really love themselves, it is marginal to know when one of them is talking of his or her thing because everything becomes “our things or our issues.” “Our parents, our home, our car” are the common ways of designating things that concern them. Some may not verbalize it on every occasion but is laid in their hearts and understanding.
Compatibility must basically reflect that ability of the partners to freely give and freely receive love from each other. The ability to freely, mutually and continually give and receive love from each other between partners is a good test for the compatibility check. St Paul maintains in Romans 12:9 -10, “Let love be genuine; hate what is evil and hold fast to what is good, love one another with brotherly affection; outdo one another in showing honor.” Compatibility is possible where love is genuine. It is love and commitment that could make you see yourself in the other person. It is love and commitment that is not defined by worldly principles and participles. Love alone is not enough for marriage to be successful; an irrevocable commitment is crucial. This type of committed love is what should make marriage possible.
Can you imagine how people love and cherish their winter coat during winter? Everybody preserves it well and takes good care of it. People will rarely forget their winter coats and jackets when going out during winter. The question now is; how quickly are winter coats and jackets thrown off after the wintry weather is over? Who wears it when the weather is hot? The love that is pervasive to some extent nowadays is what one could describe as a winter jacket love - love as a result of interests and relevance only. True committed love makes couples compatible. It is the committed love that St. Paul speaks about in 1 Cor. 13: 4-8. St. Paul writes; “Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in right. Love bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends…” It is this type of love that should make one to enter a commitment to marry and decide to remain married.
Sin of every kind removes marriages and families from the divine presence. It could also lead to marriage challenges and possible breakdown. Compatibility is an on-going reality. It endures provided the couples remain in God and with God. Compatibility could only be discovered on the divine sphere and would only endure if the couples remain on the divine sphere. Holiness of life is therefore never an option of choice for marriage to survive; it is an imperative. Adam and Eve lost their compatibility when they left the divine track and disobeyed God. Real and enduring compatibility leads to beatific vision and everlasting salvation.
“Tension in the strings of the guitar brings forth sounds. The same tension when properly managed with appropriate timing becomes music that could be enjoyed…”
Differences between wife and husband should be turned into harmonious melody. Some people think that differences between partners make them incompatible. It is not always true. Different ways of seeing things and understanding life could be harnessed into a family life filled with flavour and grandeur. Every marriage is unique. A certain man was said to have developed interest for a certain lady, he took time to study the lady and made enquiries. They started seeing each other in courtship. The man was so afraid that he would not be a good husband to the lady. He thought he was not good enough for her kind of person. For this man, the lady was too good to be married to him and wanted to severe the relationship. He prepared himself to leave the relationship and decided to let the lady know of his weaknesses and bad habits. He met the lady and revealed to her how bad he was, his past life and how scared he was to hurt her because he found it difficult to change. The lady was amazed. She was completely overwhelmed by her friend’s sincerity and complimented him. As a result, she said that such sincerity and transparency is rare and she would like to learn from him. She confessed that there were so many things she had hidden from him as well. What a world! Mutual honesty is a basic demand in courtship if compatibility is to be achieved and ascertained. What was seen as potential barriers to love became the string that held them together. The different strings of each partner’s life when properly placed and played can give wonderful melody that makes marriage compatible. Prospective couples and couples are to mutually display their different strings of lifestyle in order to work out a possible compatible marriage harmony.
Therefore, compatibility is not exclusively all about similarity; it could mean differences that according to one’s ability he/she could cope with. To say one is compatible with the other means simply that one has seen the similarities and dissimilarities and that based on his/her capability knows that the love that exists between them would help him/her to get along with them depending on God’s grace. Having a profound knowledge and deep rooted love for the other person is very important for marriage to be compatible but it is the decision to make a commitment and remain true to it in the love of God that really makes people compatible. It is the decision to enter into an irrevocable commitment by couples that make them really compatible.
“One may love as many prospective partners as possible but it is the conscious decision and irrevocable commitment that makes marriage compatible. The effect of this compatibility is felt more where both couples have mutually and freely made this commitment…
Compatible couples may lose their compatibility by severing the relationship between them and God. So, it is only when couples freely and mutually decide to remain married that compatibility is maintained. Compatibility can never be possible if both do not mutually bend without breaking. Just as two pieces of wood cannot be compatible in bonding them unless there is some chiseling and shaping; people cannot be compatible unless they mutually agree to let go of certain things in their lives. When one or the other is unwilling to freely bend without breaking, situations might force the person to break and this could spell doom for marriage. Wrong understanding of compatibility has made some people to remain singles as they await for a perfect match without thinking of making compromises. The fact is, Jesus bent without breaking by taking human flesh whilst retaining his divinity, and so was without sin. After the already mentioned process of looking out for the “Mr. Right” and “Miss Right”, it is the mutual firm decision to remain committed to the love they professed to each other that makes enduring compatibility a reality in marriage. Compatible marriage should always radiate fulfillment despite its challenges.
Marriage Nugget 6
Crossing Over
A friend told me a story of how he started driving at an early age while he was in his home country. When he came over to London, it was never easy for him to understand the movement of cars. He felt some degree of uneasiness whenever he walked along the streets. Sometimes, he would think the vehicles were moving in the wrong direction. This feeling continued until he started his driving lessons. Keeping to the left side of the lane on the road as opposed to keeping on the right side of the lane was difficult to him. Driving on the right side of the road was the situation in his country of origin. He received some showers of shouting from his driving instructor for a certain time before he was able to cross over from his former understanding of driving to a new way of driving in the United Kingdom. He did not find it easy selecting gears with his left hand. What about the traffic lights and numerous rules that ought to be kept to maintain sanity on the roads? What about the examinations; both written and practical? Do you want to know how many times he failed his practical driving tests? But at least, he passed in the end. These and many other challenges in the world of driving in the United Kingdom require a conscious and determined crossing over in order to move on with life in the present situation. This is exactly the sort of thing that is required in marriage. Crossing over has a cost.
Laws are not only evident in the outside world. We have so many laws in the human body; namely; respiratory laws guiding the respiratory system. We have the digestive laws, reproductive laws, circulatory laws and excretory laws, amongst others regulating different systems of the body. None of these laws could be obstructed by whatever occurrence without putting the life of the person in jeopardy. Everyone without exception must breathe in and breathe out. To support life in the hospitals, people have been fitted with oxygen mask just to keep to the demands of the respiratory laws. Have we no idea that not being able to go to toilet for a few days can cause serious health issue?
“For marriage to really happen, one has to cross over from the laws of basic mathematics of 1+1= 2 to a world where 1+1=1. This simply means that one needs proper orientation for beginning a new way of life as a married person. Crossing over helps one to embrace the possibility of a new relationship…
One is leaving a certain family to form another one; from one society to another, from one relationship to another, from one experience of intimacy to another, from one heartbreak to a new relationship, from one culture to another and ultimately from an ordinary relationship to a triangular covenant in marriage. As a result of this, there is a need for a bridge to facilitate this transition. There is a need to have a certain mindset that disposes the individual that is about to be molded into another. This disposition makes acceptance of the other much easier and helps in handling the differences that will result. This transition from being individuals to being couples needs conscious effort made in freedom and due knowledge. This transition cannot adequately take place where personal interests rank supreme as against common interest.
Every good relationship begins with self-awareness. There is a need to know oneself in order to be well informed of what are to be dropped or taken up in the transition process into marriage. Without involving any technicalities, one can actually reflect on his/her weaknesses and strengths. One’s weaknesses like being aggressive, egoistical, lazy, emotionally unstable, fluctuating mode, self-centeredness, stubborn, pessimistic, teasing, unforgiving, vindictive, revengeful, hot-tempered, restless, weak-willed, cruel, indecisive, impetuous, self-sufficient, slow, selfish may need to be sorted. One’s strengths should also be known and be handled in a manner that will create a welcoming outlook. Such strengths like being friendly, witty, strong-willed, self-sacrificing, enjoying, optimistic, dependable, sensitive, efficient, perfectionist, faithful, compassionate, friendly and practical should be known and managed properly. There may be need to involve a counselor and/or a priest in dealing with such issues.
Furthermore, there may be need to properly cross over from past hurts and bad peer influence. There may be need to cross over some unhealthy parental influences. Sometimes, some people jump out of one relationship into another without properly acknowledging and dealing with the hurts from the previous relationship. There is always a need to allow reasonable time to deal with such separation or hurts before a new one is begun. There may be need to see a counselor and/or a priest for counseling and prayer in order to properly walk through some past experiences. One who has just come from a foreign country may need to cross over culturally before getting involved in a relationship. At times, some people think that the human person can change so easily. The human person with its entire embodiment needs ample time and conscious effort to get used to changes that influence decisions in life. One might see reasons a certain person will not be suitable as a marriage partner elsewhere, but in a different location or situation, the same person becomes a good match. In crossing over, personal interests should give way to couples’ interests. The common good of the couples as against the personal interests of the couples takes precedence. Common good of the couples is based on the good that God ordains for them. Crossing over could be seen even in little things as eating the favourite food of one’s lover in order to establish love. Crossing over may begin with reasoning but culminates with the heart. It is in the heart to heart union that the proper transition which makes marriages enduring occurs.
Marriage Nugget 7
Three Communions of Relationship in Marriage
Any act of giving and receiving of love could be used to weigh the degree of crossing over between potential couples. Here I present what I choose to call the three communions of marriage as a guide as well as litmus paper for proper crossing over in marriage relationships. The litmus test of a successful transition could be conducted applying these three communions of marriage; the communion of the table, the communion of togetherness and the communion of prayer. To explain communion of the table, we begin by saying that people who love themselves eat together. True lovers in courtship who want to share the rest of their lives together usually eat together. Eating together is not just feeding the stomach. In eating there is a certain unconscious attachment that occurs. A serious link is sometimes established between people that eat together. Jesus fed the 4000 men and also 5000 men, not counting women and children. Jesus gave bread and wine to his apostles after blessing it saying; “Take, eat, this is my body…Drink of it, all of you, for this is my blood of the covenant…” (cf. Matthew 26:26, 27-28). Jesus ate with his disciples after his resurrection (cf. Luke 24:13- 35). Jesus was not just filling their stomachs but was ultimately attaching them to himself. Regularly eating together could initiate one into a relationship with the other person. Frequently eating together facilitates bonding. There is a giving and a receiving involved in eating. It therefore means that constantly eating with someone who has no interest in getting married to and where marriage is possible could at times seriously affect one’s decision. Some people have ended up getting married to people they ate with constantly, knowing at the moment that he/she does not love the person. Some people marry out of sympathy. Eating comfortably together with someone regularly could display some false air of love even where love does not exist. If one could tolerate another’s table manners sincerely without pretence, there is a probable reason that they could get on well. On the other hand, eating together between those who are truly in love confirms their love for each other. It helps their love to grow. It helps them to discover themselves more and unites the heart in a manner that becomes humanly unimaginable. It increases their understanding of each other’s emotions. In eating, more of our sense organs are at work; the tongue, teeth, brain and more. All these are actually what are shared on the plate not just the food. It simply means that eating together frequently is a communion and a covenant which should be encouraged among those who want to marry. There is also another view that some might even discover their partner’s heart’s content in eating; not just one off eating together but habitually eating comfortably together.
There is also the communion of togetherness. Jesus stayed with his apostles and explained to them many things he did not tell other people. At a time he told his apostles that they are his friends because he had made known to them what he learnt from God the Father (cf. John 15:15). Jesus brought his apostles close to himself because he wanted to establish a strong relationship with them. Communion of togetherness unites the hearts of the couples and God in the relationship of love. The issue of sharing time together in relationship cannot be replaced by any other act. There are many ways one can show or live out togetherness in a relationship. Physical togetherness is important but is not sufficient. Physical togetherness is only a pointer to the innermost togetherness of the hearts. Potential couples could spend the whole day together, each busy with his/her phone. Such physical nearness does not radiate love and communion of togetherness. The craving to always behold the one loved is a sign of relationship. One can share in the communion of togetherness through phone calls and other social networking. Yet, face to face encounter can never be replaced by any other. Periodic communion of togetherness is encouraged during courtship and is necessary. In communion of togetherness, there is communication and understanding. The communion of togetherness is taken to the highest level after marriage in conjugal love. People should not indulge in sexual relations outside of marriage since, inter alia, it tries to unite those who have no intention of being united. Later, desire to separate one from the other causes no little havoc to one’s entire make-up.
There is finally the communion of prayer. This is the most important communion of marriage. Jesus prayed with his apostles and also encouraged them to pray as well. He even taught them how to pray (cf. Luke 18:1; Matt. 6:9-13). It takes communion of the table and the communion of togetherness to the highest level by uniting couples with God. It is also a covenant because it unites the hearts of the couples with God. The communion of prayer is also very important in every relationship. It is this communion that keeps the couples at the arena of true love motivated by God. Without the communion of prayers couples can hardly live together. There will be lack of the necessary graces needed for marital life, if couples are not given to constant recourse to God in prayer. The communion of prayer is encouraged among prospective couples who want to confirm their love in matrimonial covenant. It is however not necessary that such prayers should always be said together during courtship. Prayer is all about agreement. Potential couples could agree to pray on some points and God who is not bound by space and time will surely hear them. Physically praying together amongst potential couples is encouraged as well, provided it does not constitute a danger to the inordinate cravings of the flesh.
You want to know more about marriage?
For more information on insights on relationships and marriage by Father Innocent Ezeonyeasi, grab a copy of his book Introducing the Marriage Meter, published by St Pauls Publications, London: 2018. Available at St Pauls website:www.stpauls.org.uk